For as long as I can remember, I was taught that I would go to college, get a good job, fall in love, buy a beautiful house, have beautiful babies, and live happily ever after. Well, I am now 36, I just finished my 4th degree, I ended my second engagement- yes you read that correctly, I live in an apartment, and my equivalent to children is my very loved Aussie. 2 out of 6 isn’t that bad, not all hope is lost.
Please, do not misinterpret what I am trying to say. I am not saying that I have a bad life, it just doesn’t look the way I expected it would when I was 8; playing dress-up with my friends imagining, what life would look like when I grew up. Although, to be fair, I know many women who are in similar situations. We are achieving our goals and it’s amazing but sometimes we are forced to make difficult choices and sometimes, at least in my life, those choices have been made for me. It has been my experience that we do have make sacrifices in some areas of our lives, even though it is not right.
At this point, I feel like I should give you a little insight into my most recent relationship. To put it simply, it was abusive and toxic. Although I tried to end the relationship more times than I can count, ultimately I was faced with a decision of whether or not I was willing to compromise the entirety of who I was and disappear completely. He was someone who was all consuming; physically, mentally, and emotionally. There was not enough room for both of us to exist in the relationship, he could not and would allow it. I was isolated from my friends and family because they did not approve of the relationship. I was trapped, dying everyday I stayed with him. Ultimately, things reached a boiling point, the police got involved and that was my out.
I am not proud of that relationship, the things that happened, how I allowed him to treat me, the damage I did to my other relationships, or how long it took me to get out of the relationship; but I think it is important to take a few minutes to acknowledge this experience. Since I have been out of the relationship, I have been touched and overwhelmed at how many other women have approached me to share their stories. You need to know that you can get out; regardless of how long you have been with the other person. If there is anything I have learned, it is that we all are so much stronger than we think. Please know that you are not alone even if it feels that way.
Note: If you would like to share your story or would like someone to talk to, please feel free to contact me or post a comment. You are truly not alone, even if you feel like you are.
Stumbling Behind The Mask 